Fathers

It is an interesting thing to consider your heritage.  Being among family has really made me think a lot about who I am and who I could become.  The truly interesting part is that since moving into the van I've thought I have been quite a bit more laid back and patient.  To some extent that is true, but this trip has taught me that I can very easily fall back into my old ways, my old attitudes.  Not just towards people, but towards things.  I wonder whether or not I will fall back into not only wanting more and more material things, but if I would pursue such a life that would allow me to have what I want.  Incredibly humbling.  It's not that I don't like things.  I really do enjoy a great many material things.  I love food.  I love looking nice and fashionable.  It's a struggle.

This is why I think about the Desert Fathers.  I wonder how often they thought about society and their culture.  How much they actually had to struggle and resist against things they desired.  I wonder if part of the reason they spent so much time away from society is because they would have been embarrassed to go back into society.  Embarrassed to want.  Embarrassed to feel compulsions to fit in.  Did they ever reach a point where they didn't have those desires?  At what cost?  It's difficult for me to imagine life without those internal struggles.  Just thought I would catch you all up on some of the thoughts I've been having away from van life.  Looking forward to getting back to it.