Stories, Stories, Stories

Seems there have been a lot of stories to tell about life with Big Blue.  I'm not sure if that will always be the case or if it's just because everything is so new and fresh.  I don't really have a story to tell from yesterday so I'll go a little more into why this is all going down.  Pretty positive I have not talked about the fears of life with Big Blue and whether or not to continue very much.  When the idea first came to me about van life from my buddy--who will be joining me in May--I was really excited about it, but thought if we waited until May when his lease was through I would have lost the desire and the passion to pursue van life.  I would've been too comfortable in my life.  That's when I started thinking about patterns in my life and how I always feel like I'm not really listening to God or stepping out in faith and trusting that even if it sounds or looks crazy that He will be there.  I do that too much.  Then I started thinking about just making it happen and making it happen as soon as possible.  And once the van was found and purchased there was even less reason for me to wait until May.

It was then that I hatched the plan to try van life for a year.  This was somewhat derailed by my roommates and I being given January's rent free from our landlord.  I was excited to have a free month of rent and to be warm for a month and a little disgusted with myself that I'd rather be comfortable than follow through.  That's why when February rolled around it was go time no matter what.  Permanent parking space?  Didn't matter.  Just gotta go forward and know it will work out somehow.  Things appear to have worked out quite well so far.

Then Big Blue died last Sunday and there was question about how much money to put into Big Blue since she didn't cost much to begin with and whether or not it was necessary.  Big Blue died.  Should I just give it up and move back in to my old place?  Was I just supposed to experience this for a few weeks?  Those were the thoughts that went through my head earlier this week.  Along with the prospect of looking like a failure or someone who doesn't really follow through on all of his big talk.  Needless to say I am quite thankful to have gone through all of these thoughts and emotions.  I'm interested and excited to see what else is going to be brought to the surface and what dormant fears might be lurking that Big Blue might bring out of me.