Unplugging

I haven't updated in at least a week.  Part of this is business with other things.  Part of it is not having anything really interesting to say.  A large part of it is just not being online for no real reason.  If I'm online any more I usually have a very specific purpose for being online.  Mostly because I need to go somewhere to specifically use internet.  It's interesting how quickly I forget about the time wasting routines I used to have and can fall back into when I'm really thinking about it, but more often than not I find myself wondering what else there possibly could be for me to stay online any longer than necessary.  It's a kind of stunned amazement that I really don't have much to get online for these days other than things that are absolutely necessary.  And let's be honest most of those could wait.  I could check my e-mail once a day.  That would be impressive for me.  I would love to not feel the urge to be constantly connected to the world and be able to respond in an instant.  For some reason I still feel that pull.  I don't want to feel like I'm missing out.  More and more I realize I'm not missing out if I neglect the internet for a little while.

Clearly not the best post ever, but I have internet and I was actually motivated to jot something down.  We'll see if I can post a little quicker this time around.

timing

I was driving around town this morning when I passed a church with this verse on their marquee: "Never tire of doing what is right."  This is actually the second half of 2 Thessalonians 3:13.  It's this part that always makes me think.  Normally I would just think about what I'm NOT doing right or what I need to persevere in.  Those thoughts definitely crossed my mind today as I drove past these words, but there's also a lot more to think about with this verse in today's day and age.  What right?  Who's right?  Is there a right?  Is right what is said in the bible?  What if I interpret it this way?  Any of those questions could provoke very different answers and emotions from different people.  Just as this verse probably provokes different thoughts and emotions for various people.  I honestly do not want to get into any of those today.  I hope to at some point, but not right now.  Just wanted to throw that out there as a kind of thought for the day...and I'll relate it to van life right here.

Is van life the right way to do life?  Is it the only right way to do life?  What do you mean there's no real "right" way to live your own life?  That last question is in anticipation of the answer for the other two questions.  I think van life is A way to do life, but not the only way to do life.  I think it is the "right" way for me to do life currently because that's what I feel I was being called/led/asked to do.  I can only speak for me.  You know better what's in your heart and what life you feel like you are being called/led/asked to lead.  I can't tell you what is "right" or which path to take.  Hope you all enjoyed this particularly ambiguous post on epistemology and it's relation to van life and 2 Thess. 3:13 :D

Forging a Path

All of the various little life transitions back and forth between living in the van and hanging out with people has really been challenging.  It's amazing to realize after only a month and a half that I have gotten into living a fairly routine life.  The big question for me right now is what is really different about this routine than the routine or way of life I had before living in the van.  There are obvious differences to be sure, but I am most curious about the internal differences.  The perspective.  The wants and desires.  Have these really changed?  Were they supposed to?  Are they simply the same and only look a little different?  It seems difficult for me to try to answer these questions since I'm in the van life bubble and really can't say objectively one way or the other.

If I were trying to be honest with myself though here is what I think.  I think my internal perspective, etc. has not changed all that much.  The reason for hope and perseverance is while my perspective, etc. has not changed the external methods for living out my internal beliefs/convictions does look different.  It may not even be apparent to many of those around me.  I believe I've mentioned before how now when I buy something or receive something as a gift I try to give away something I have that serves the same function.  A prime example of this is while I was home this weekend I purchased a new coat.  A winter coat that I probably won't need until next winter.  I already have at least 2 winter coats.  One that would be more for skiing and the like and one an everyday winter coat.  I already struggle with keeping the coat for skiing, etc. since I do that so rarely.  To me it was a no brainer to get rid of or give away my other everyday winter coat.  I could have justified keeping both coats because they are different coats, with different looks.  But really they serve the same purpose.  There's no need.

Eternal perspective is also something I have been thinking about quite a bit lately in light of whether or not my internal perspective (beliefs/convictions) has changed.  More on that later though.  Still mulling it over.

Seasons Change

That's right.  It's season changing time.  That means the weather is warmer and sleeping is easier.  It means more daylight, which generally means more pleasant people everywhere.  It also means that Big Blue is more than hospitable to visitors.  She had her first non-sleepover visitor last night.  Big Blue can be quite spacious it seems.  Definitely enough for people to come over and play some cards.  It's a new season in Big Blue's life where she gets to have visitors come and say hi with no fear of freezing their buns off...or little fear since it will get below freezing once or twice more this week at night.

In other news it was again interesting to be away from Big Blue for a few days.  Sleeping in regular beds.  My body had almost forgot it's training from the rigorous first weeks of living in Big Blue.  That's why I woke up this morning thinking I was in a house.  A house with a restroom.  Surely I can tell my body it will be alright in a few minutes because there's a bathroom just down the hall.  Yikes!!!  I was quite wrong.  And then a sense of peace came over me as I remembered it was too early for the construction workers to be around and their very lovely porta-potty would be all mine for the using.

Again.  Hoping to get back into blogging a bit more about the whole experience.

Absence

I have not been updating the blog nearly as much as I thought I would.  Some of that has logistical reasons: schedule is busy, internet is only available at certain places and times, material to blog about, etc.  Honestly though I do not want blogging about this experience to take time away from relationship with people or with God.  I do not want it to become an idol.  Suffice it to say I will blog when need be.

It's pretty incredible to have this week where a lot of people are not around.  It's allowing me to see pretty much for the first time what I can do with my free time.  I have felt very free to just move about and figure things out at times.  There is also a certain loneliness that comes with down time when nobody is available to hang out.  Those are definitely the moments when I feel most exposed.  When I feel like that is really who I am and what I really want to do with my time.  I can tell you it is difficult during those times to determine between resting and spending time with God.  Should those 2 be mutually exclusive?  I don't think they should be nor do they have to be.  There's some idea in my head though that keeps them that way most of the time and that's why I feel guilty resting.  Really it's silly that I think that based on different things I've read and know about resting in God.  Still it's difficult to see resting and spending time with God walking around hand in hand.

Ways of Living

It has been a wonderful week of spending time with people.  I can't tell you how much I really enjoy it.  I would never have thought I would be a person who enjoys being around others so much.  I suppose the main reason is because I enjoyed my comfort and my things way too much.  It's incredible to not really be tied down by a bunch of comfort or things and be able to just go and visit with people, even if it's people I've never met before.  If you had met me a few years ago that sort of thing probably would have terrified me.  I would never do it simply because of the anxiety it would cause.  Over the past few years though God has done a great work in me to show me how much relationships matter and how little things matter.  I still enjoy things as I've mentioned before, but relationships hold a higher place in my life.  That's a nice general statement to make and I know that it's not always true.  There are still times when I would rather not be around certain people.  The pain of it all is that I realize I choose comfort over people at times.  Still a work in progress and thankfully there are many people around me who challenge me.

Give it up, Give it away

I didn't exactly keep up with the blog whilst I was away.  I hope to get back into the swing of things here and be consistent now that I'm back to a somewhat consistent schedule and knowledge of wi-fi hotspots to be used during my free time.  Looking back on my trip I am still surprised at how much I still desire material things or the seeming pull they seem to have over me.  I was beginning to be appalled at the desires I have for things on my way back from the trip, but there was something different.  This loathing or distaste was not really justified.  It was more or less self-imposed legalistic feelings based on a loose configuration of rules I had never officially setup for myself.

There was this idea in my head that I would not purchase a lot while I lived in the van.  I think that stemmed from a desire to save money, but also to live as bare bones as possible; however, that idea began to crush me.  This was brought to the forefront during my stay in New York.  It's not so much the desire for things that I despise (still not sure what my thoughts are about whether or not that desire is inherently right or wrong), but the desire to acquire and accumulate.  One of the reasons I found so much joy in giving away many of my possessions was that I had been bingeing and bingeing with now purge in my diet.  Bingeing is not healthy, nor is purging, but you have to start somewhere.  The purging I experienced in getting ready to live in the van liberated me from the idea that I needed to hold on to as much as I had.  I am admittedly still attached to certain belongings, but know I do not need them and could live quite well without them.  This is how I came to have joy in the purchases I made while in New York.  I also have been practicing for a while now the idea of when something is purchased to get rid of something like it.  I find this to be quite beneficial when purchasing clothes because it allows me to take an honest look at my clothing and say I really like this and would like to buy it and here's something I have, I wear it here and there, and in all honest could be rid of it.  So there's another little bag ready to be donated sitting in my car.